


What You (don't) leave behind

by MayLovelies



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, garak and julian 's conversation takes a different turn, takes place after "what you leave behind", this is how canon should have gone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-18 23:09:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14862065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayLovelies/pseuds/MayLovelies
Summary: In which Julian is hit with the possibility of never seeing Garak again. So instead of letting him go, he decides to do something about it.





	What You (don't) leave behind

**Author's Note:**

> Long story short, I’m not to keen on how their relationship was left and I think the writers could’a done better. This is how I’m ending it tho.

When Garak left , the room seemed empty. 

 

Save for the humming and beeping of the machines, the place was silent and Julian was alone. The doctor stood there like a statue, his eyes gazing over the rising death toll number. Yet, that wasn’t the reason his heart felt heavy or that things seemed suddenly hopeless. 

 

For a moment, Julian tricked himself into believing that his distressed rested with the fact that when he returned to the station, Miles would be gone. Those days in the holosuites, playing darts, and just those casual conversation would be no more. 

 

Yet, as soon as those thoughts had came, they passed. While Miles was leaving, at least they would depart on good terms. At least they’d depart as well...friends. 

 

Those last few words he and Garak shared, still weighed heavy in his mind. The somber tone in Garak’s voice--a combination of fear, sadness , anger and then, in a second that familiar facade of happiness returned. Yet, Julian could feel the uncertainty in the air, and when Garak left...he did  _ nothing  _ to comfort him. 

 

Did he even look at Garak? Did he offer his friend any sort of support other than a rub on the shoulder? 

 

_ Friend.  _ The words hung in his mind as he reflected on his relationship with Garak. Julian could not remember the last time they had a simple conversation, or spoke as friends. Leading up to this, he had treated Garak...for lack of better words ‘poorly’. He was short with him, had cancelled lunch with him, had sometimes ignored him.  _ You’ve always been a good friend to me.  _ Garak’s somber phrase resounded in his mind like a record player and Julian felt guilty. He had been a terrible friend to Garak on DS9 and was a terrible friend to him now.

 

And Julian  _ did  _ care for Garak. He cherished their friendship (if that’s what he could call it), and over the years he’d grown to see him as more than a friend. Yet, Julian was a coward. He let the ill opinions of others get to him, he’d brought forth a distance between he and Garak and now....now he was gone. 

 

Julian would see Miles again, he’d see everyone on the station but who’s to say he’d see Garak again? With all that happened to Cardassia...and the road ahead of his friend, when would Garak have the time to see him.

 

_ Is this it?  _ Julian thought silently, his eyes still gazing over the viewer. He’d lost count by now, as he’d zoned out. A new fear was filling his chest and he contemplated on the reality that he might not  _ ever  _ see Garak again. 

 

That was unless, he did something about it. 

 

“Garak!” He burst to life, pulling his eyes away from the screen and darting out of the room down to the corridor. To his happiness, Garak hadn’t gotten far and had turned around at the sound of his name.

 

“Doctor?”

 

“Let me come with you, to Cardassia.” Julian heaved, getting straight to the point. “The death toll has only continued to rise...I imagine there are people still injured, still under rubble that need help-”

 

“Doctor, I  _ can’t  _ ask that of you. You haven’t been down there...it’s...it’s overwhelming. This is not your problem, this isn’t your planet. You are needed on the station I... _ thank  _ you.” Garak nearly choked out. His eyes drifted over the doctor in gratitude, as if he could hardly believe Julian would offer to do this. “This is something Cardassia needs to do by itself.”

 

“Garak, I’m a doctor.” Julian took a step forward. “It’s my job. I cannot let people who need my help, die. You need my skills, Cardassia does.”

 

Garak shook his head, but Julian continued on. “I’m not asking if I can help you, I’m  _ telling  _ you that I  _ will  _ help you whether you want me there or not.”

 

His friend’s trouble expression slowly twisted into a hopeless smile. He looked down and then back up at Julian. “I can’t stop you, can I? I don’t know why I always forget that you’re a stubborn man.”

 

“Only when it comes to people or things I care about. You remember the time I went to Cardassia and back to save you. You can’t get rid of me Garak.” Julian held out his hand, and slowly reached for his friend’s. He exhaled when Garak took hold of his, squeezing for comfort. It was then, Julian pulled him into a hug. He held him tightly for the first time, feeling Garak’s cool body temperature against his own warm body heat. Garak’s breaths were quick and short, his heart beat fast for a few moments before he grew comfortable in Julian’s arms. Then he sighed.

 

“If I left now, would I ever see you again?” Julian asked, his voice only a whisper.

 

“No.” Garak said, honestly. He pushed away and gazed into Julian’s eyes. “I don’t know what awaits me down there...what awaits me years from now. No doctor, I can’t say I’d ever see you again.”

 

“You won’t have to face any of it alone, Garak.” Julian responded, his hands lightly holding on to Garak’s arms.

 

“Julian...you may have to stay for years.”

 

“As long as I’m with you, then it isn’t a problem.” Julian took a breath. “Garak there’s something else...I...I haven’t been a good friend to you in these past few months. I’ve been rude to you, short with you...I hope that you can forgive me. You’ve been  _ nothing  _ but kind to me and in return, I’ve treated you so poorly. Garak, I’m sorry.”

 

“You are already forgiven.”

 

“There’s something else too.”  _ I’m in love with you. I’ve always been in love with you.  _ He wanted to say, but the words escaped his lips. Still however, Garak seemed to know. It was just the look in his eyes, and the way he nodded and for the first time ever, smiled a genuine smile.

 

“Doctor, I understand.” He responded. “I know. I always have known.” 

 

They gazed at each for a moment, feeling nothing but comfort within each others company. However,Julian withdrew first. “I have to go get my supplies from the station, but I’ll be back. I promise. Give me a week at most. Tell them I’m coming, that one of the best doctors in Starfleet will help.” 

 

“I’ll tell them, and I’ll be here.” Julian could hear the change of tone in his voice, and his own heart felt heavy as he turned away. He wondered if Garak really believed him, or if Garak thought this was another empty promise, just like all the lunches and holosuite visits that Julian had cancelled the last moment. What made this different?

 

He wanted nothing more than to go after Garak, to hold him and let him know that things would change. Yet as he turned back, Garak was gone.

 

Julian stood there for a few more moments before pressing his combadge. “One to beam up.” He spoke and within moment, he was back on the Defiant. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed :D


End file.
